Friends? I don't have any...

I was reading this weeks edition of Grazia on the train this weekend on my way up to London and I came across this article " Friends? I don't have any..." it was like reading all about myself! I decided to do a little post about it as I'm clearly not the only one like it. It said in the article that there is a growing number of women who say they don't have any close female friends even Angelina Jolie admitted it recently!

So where do I start?! Well everyone needs friends right? Well if I would have read this statement about half a year ago I would have strongly disagreed as i was doing just fine without any girly friends but over the past few months i'm agreeing with it more.

So let me fill you in on my girly friend situation... Or should I say my girly friendless situation. It all started when I hit secondary school, i enjoyed my junior school SO much I was friends with everyone and had a best friend called Kerry. We were inseparable in class and on the playground but it all changed when junior school was over there was a secondary school that most of my friends went to but it wasn't a good school and my loving parents wanted the best for me and sent me to secondary school on my own. How nice of them?! Well nearly all on my own the only person I knew was one boy called Owen and I didn't know him all that well. That's where it all changed.

I can remember my first day so clearly everyone was in the hall and everyone knew everyone from their junior school. I hated it! If anyone asked me to describe my first day at my new catholic secondary school i'd say it was well difficult. I made friends with a girl in my tutor called Emily and was soon part of a small girl group of friends which was lovely but soon the girl group got bigger which meant it got bitcher and the more I didn't want to be apart of it. So i decided to separate myself from it and hang out with the guys. I always got on better with guys, more easier to chat to, you can have a laugh and there is nothing bitchy going on! I got through secondary school ok after becoming best friends with my now boyfriend Iain. We were inseparable we hung out at school and when we weren't at school he was around my house, he even use to come and visit my mum in hospital when she was really ill. Until it changed one day. I was starting to fall in love with him, he was all I would think about, talk about and dream at night about. Until one day it changed we had a massive argument and well id rather forget the rest. I got through the end of the school best friendless, i had friends but no one close to me and hardly any girly friends.

I then went to college, all the girls in the girl group all went to separate colleges and done their own thing. I attended the local college in town along with a few people from school including Iain but I still wasn't talking to him. College was lonely. I had made one really good friend in the first year, Kerry- Ann but when the year was over she decided to move to a college closer to her as she was from a different town and there i was with no friends at all. My second year at college was one I'd rather forget. All my spare free lessons, 20 minute morning breaks and lunches were spend on my own in the library doing work or just on the computers pretending to look "cool" I'd sit checking my phone every few minutes or just text my mum to keep myself company. If the library was partially busy I'd go to the toilets in the art block they were single toilets there and sit there for 15 minutes or so and do my make up. Anything not to walk around the college friendless. I was really unhappy. I'd have to walk to town and get the bus home on my own everyday when there were so many people walking to town laughing and having a good time with their  friends. I hated it. I started talking to my old best friend, Iain. We started texting more and spending more time together which was lovely though there were many times I had to lie when he'd see me on own during lunch or ask where I would hang out, I couldn't say the toilet or the library!

Anyway we finally got together and became boyfriend and girlfriend and i told him about my friend situation and he took me in and I made friends with his friends but I always felt like a bit of a tag along. Thankfully that year ended and I decided to take a gap year which turned out to be another year of me not knowing what I want to study which then turned in to panic attacks and a fear of leaving the house. I'm now over that and have a job and am hoping to start beauty school in September.

I would now consider myself to have 3 best friends. My sister Steph (18 years old) my younger sister Lucy ( 9 years old) and my boyfriend Iain he's (20 years old). I know it's pretty sad I don't have any proper girly friends like people my age. It never use to bother me but it's starting to more and more everyday. I obviously dont have a girly best friend that isn't a family member or my boyfriend. I know it's not a massive problem but I should have one best friend who I can share all with. Surely?! I spend all my spare time with my sister when she's not out with her friends or her boyfriend but now she's at university it's really hit me hard. She lives about 60 miles away during the week but thankfully she comes home during the weekend and that's when I do all my girly shopping!! My boyfriend, Iain also goes to university and he says there most of the week so I dont get to see him much during the week either and as for my little sister as much as I love her there is a bit age gap between us so i can't really talk to her about girly things and she's at school during the day.

I have a job where I work in a all girl environment apart from one boy which is nice. I'd consider my colleagues to be my friends but not my best friends as theres things you can't share with the people you work with! I've decided this year to make some more girly friends, it's going to be hard because i don't really know how to make friends as silly as that sounds and i'm a constant worrier! I'll be talking to someone but my mind is drifting onto other things like what do they think of me! I wouldn't consider myself as lonely now as i have my family around me but a few years down the line when i move out and don't have my sisters around me i could potentially be lonely and i don't want that at all so i need to make girly friends soon!

I don't want people to feel sorry for me because they are choices i have made not to hang out with the bitchy girly group at school and not to put myself out there in college. All these choices could have left me with a circle of friends to go out with and just to do in the evening instead of coming home from work and getting straight into my pi's and curling up in bed by 9 watching youtube video but their the choices i have made and at the time they seemed the right choice. You shouldn't regret anything that seemed right at the time!

♥