It pretty much sums up what this post is going to be about in the title but i thought i would do a little post about anxiety and panic attacks as it seems to be more common than i thought.
I had my first panic attack about a year and a half ago when i was in London with my boyfriend seeing a gig in a small crowded underground pub. I had to meet him in London as he was already there with some friends. I was nervous as although i travel on trains on my own i'm not a massive fan of going on the tube. I know where to go when i'm on the tube and what stations are where i'm just not a lover of been on a underground train with crowds of people. Anyway i met him up there before the gig and we went straight there and got a drink, it was pretty loud and when the support band started it all of a sudden came over me. PANIC hit and i felt out of the situation, dizzy, sick, hot and everyone that spoke to me sounded like they were shouting. I made my way through the crowds and got some fresh air which made it worse. I just wanted to be at home with my family in a safe place. I decided to go home, I made my way back to the tube, i left my boyfriend there as i knew how much he wanted to see the gig but it just got worse i felt like i was almost drunk even though i had drank no alcohol! I made my way back to the gig to try and get some money from my boyfriend to get a taxi back to Waterloo Station and when i was in the taxi i finally started to relax. I made my way to the train back home and was met by my dad at the station. I got home and i was shattered and went straight to bed thinking i was coming down with something.
I didn't think much more about that night for a little while as i didn't seem to experience any more of them feelings. Little did i know that it was all going to get worse. I spoke to my parents as a few weeks on i started to experience a few of them symptoms the same as i experienced when i was in London. It only seemed to triggered off when i was in busy crowed places such as in the town centre,supermarkets and restaurants. I slowly started to avoid these places as i didn't want to experience those feelings. I then decided to have a little google search and realised what was happening i was suffering from panic attacks and anxiety and it all started to become clear.
Months had past and i slowly stopped doing everyday things as i was frightened of experiencing them feelings especially the one where i felt out of the situation and not control. I wasn't going out with my friends, family or boyfriend. I made "safe places and safe people" these were places such as my home where i knew i would be ok and people such as my mum who i knew they wouldn't let anything happen to me. This was all good for a while but i couldn't depend on my mum all the time and i defiantly couldn't stay at home as much i wanted to, i was a young twenty year old who should be starting her life not staying in the comfort of her own home all day everyday.
My mum decided that it was all getting a bit to much and i was slowly starting to become depressed so she decided to take me to the doctors who sent me on to see a counsellor who he said would get me back to my old self. I seemed reassured and started paying to have hourly sessions with her. She wasn't right for me at all and kept blaming it on the way i was brought up by my parents and the way i was as a person. After spending about £300 on sessions i decided she wasn't right for me at all and done nothing to help me. I then decided to call my private medical insurance and they referred to me a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist who was situated in my local town and also in Woking. As he was a busy man he expected me to travel to see him in Woking weekly by train this was stressful and again i depended on my mum to help me get there. He wasn't a lot of help either and never really gave me any constucted guidance except taking rescue remedy every time i felt panicked to help me calm down. I then decided that this wasn't enough and i wanted to get better not just put the problem aside by taking rescue remedy. I called by my medical insurance and explained that he wasn't again right for me and the traveling was proving hard as i couldn't get a bus into my town centre never mind a train to another town! They then put me in contact with another Cognitive Behaviour Therapist and by now i was starting to lose hope. He was a 10 minute drive from my house and was perfect! He explained everything to me, how to cope with the feelings, what to do when i feel panicked and started to get me to stop taking rescue remedy as much as i was strongly relaying on it. The one thing i found VERY helpful is that he explained that the feelings of being dizzy and lose of breathe was because when you start to panic you start to breathe faster which is starving your brain from oxygen which makes you experience all of the feelings i was. He made me sit and stand and start to hyperventilate until i started experiencing them feelings to prove to me they were safe and nothing to be scared off and he was right.
I stopped seeing him after 8 sessions and slowly started doing everyday activities. I had got into the habit of once i had a panic attack or felt anxious in one place such as a shop i thought that every time i went back to the same place i would feel the same. I started doing more and more everyday activities and going back to places where i felt anxious and it started to get easier and easier. I'm SO much better now and am going out with friends, family and my boyfriend to the town centre, supermarkets, restaurants and even outside my home town. I know i'm still not "cured" but i'm defiantly on my way to feeling like i use to.
My advice to anyone who is suffering from panic attacks or anxiety is to go to your GP and to get help! There are so may trained Professionals out there who are trained to make you feel better and to cope. It can be a bit of a battle but if you have friends and family around you and you are willing to push yourself into different situations then you will get better. I'm not saying it's easy but it is defiantly achievable however bad you are feeling.
I hope this helps at least one person and shows them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If i can be any help to anyone please don't hesitate to comment below i'd love to hear from you.
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